Stressed-Out Pufferfish and Lessons in Transformation

Pufferfish Jaz...

Many activities have started for me over the past 3 weeks: my (temporary!) return to corporate world, two classes for new certifications (and I am so looking forward to sharing these with you!), and one chakra clearing class.  I thought I was handling it all quite well and with grace until I hit a roadblock in one of my classes.

I have been feeling quite overwhelmed with everything going on, and I have been using all the tools I know to manage my energy - from positive thinking to salt baths and energy work.  But, working on my Sacral Chakra, I lost connection.  The communication line between my inner and outer selves went dead, so to speak.

In one of my classes, my homework was to feel the energies of the Sacral Chakra's archetypes:  the Empress (light aspect) and the Martyr (shadow aspect).  I felt no connection to either.  Nothing. Nada.  In the required body movement exercises, my body did not want to move, and my mind certainly did not want to go where the guided visualization was going...  "Lalalalalalala...  not going there.  Nope, just not going there..." seemed to scream something from deep within me.

I know I have my share of wounds in the Sacral Chakra, from childhood "you're so weird" / "hide your creative side" wounds to events redefining me as a young woman, dealing with infertility issues and so much pain.  There's much "water" under that bridge (heehee, yes water is the element of the Sacral Chakra) and yet somehow I choose to hang on to these sob stories.  There is much I have not forgiven yet.  There is an element of power when you don't forgive and hold on to a hurt, like a self-validation of sorts.  Not surrendering to healing is a powerful choice, one where I know it's MY will - not any one else's, and not the Divine's.  I decide.  I choose.  You can't make me.

In the midst of all this reflection, I clearly saw the situation from a higher perspective.  It was a bit of an epiphany, really.  The reason why I was not connecting with the archetypes and the feelings of this chakra was because I was acting out of the shadow of this chakra.  Ouch!  I can be quite the pufferfish in times of stress!  Swimming along and then BAM!  The don't-touch-me-get-away-from-me-you-suck pufferfish is all inflated, needle points out and all.

There have been many decisions and actions made from this shadow side, from hurt, pain, and ego.  But what would happen if I forgave myself?  What would my identity be then?  So many things would change.  I'd have to be accountable for my actions and my decisions and not blame others.  I'd have to move to self-love instead of self-loathing in this area of my personality.  I would not be able to recount the same old stories of hurt again and relive them with the same gusto once the balm of healing is applied.  The whole paradigm and perspective would shift.  Am I ready for that, or as the Martyr archetype would I prefer to continue to dig my heels in and resist?

There is a point of no return in transformation: once Love enters, there is no room for shadows, there is no room for the familiar.  A new path is laid out, needing to be discovered.  The comfort zone is abolished and one has to be ready for the new adventure that is Spirit-centered and infused with Love.

Spiritual transformation is not easy, because it means being ready to let go of old hurts and deep-set patterns.  Ego certainly prefers to keep the status quo, and the more a person is called to change and transform, the more the ego seems to resist.

The wonderful thing about working with shadow archetypes is that once you name the shadow, you own it - it does not own you anymore.  It brings out your truth and hidden motivations.  When you're ready to listen to its story, you can find healing and consciously continue your Awakening.

I still have some deep wounds to forgive and heal, but I've made a great leap with this shadow work.  I feel the pufferfish returning to its normal state, unthreatened and merrily swimming in the ocean.  Now, I can connect with the archetypes of the sacral chakra, and I can dance with the Empress, knowing that my seedlings nurtured in my creativity centre will grow and manifest, all with divine timing.  The dance of the Empress is one of Abundance and trust in the Divine.  It is a dance of Empowerment and unity with the Universe.  I am gaining confidence and comfort in this new awareness.  The path before me is not so scary anymore.

I think the Empress' parting wish would borrow from the Vulcans...  "Go forth and prosper."  ;)