In the heart of matters, it's the heart that matters more... (Counting Crows, Omaha)
It's hot and muggy in the jungle, the humidity making the air almost unbearable and weighing down every effort. I push myself forward, exploring here, exploring there trying to ignore the tightening of the muscles and the nausea which seems to never go away. It's almost impossible to take a deep breath. The sporadic wind reaching me in gusts is cooling, yet accentuates my discomfort.
With the machete, I cut left, then right, then left again... thinning down the vegetation around me. I pull out weeds. I clean, I clear. I start over again. I dig, I pull, I push, I uproot. I rest, I transmute. Have I gone anywhere? Have I done anything that matters? Overwhelmed.
I am in the central part. I realize I was avoiding this centre. I realize I was multiplying efforts elsewhere so I wouldn't have to look here. I used many strategies to avoid, distract, cover up. And suddenly, I see it face to face. There is no running away. This weed had a deep taproot. I had chopped its leaves, cut the stem, dug around, yet it was there. So deep. So well covered over the years.
As I gaze in the hole left by the removal of this taproot, I see it, clear as day. The little seed that grew into the big weed that spread everywhere and brought havoc to the most unlikely places. "Lack of self-love" is its name. I see you now. I've named you. I claim you. Your power over me is gone. I ask all my divine helpers to help me clear and transmute this seed into unconditional love - for myself, and for others. May it bloom instead in a magnificent cherry tree, whose blossoms grace all senses and bring joy to the world.
I feel Love showering down upon me. Refreshing. Revitalizing. Soothing. Calming. I look again in the hole and see a precious stone. A garnet? A ruby? A gift for my Inner Child who is finally feeling the Love and acceptance for exactly who she is, quirks and all.
I affirm: "I am loved. I feel loved. I am worthy of love. I love myself unconditionally."
Turning point in the Journey.