Friday, June 29, 2012

Rest stop along the journey...

I find it quite interesting that my journey almost halted just as I was starting to share tips and wisdom for healing and balancing the Throat Chakra.  As this chakra is responsible for self-expression and the speaking of our deeper truth, acting as the bridge between the knowing from our head and that of our heart...  I suppose I had quite some work to do in this area before continuing my journey with true authenticity.  ;)

I have been working diligently over the past few years at clearing and balancing mind, body and soul to be the best Light I can be, and a clear channel for the Divine acting through me.  I knew that somewhere down the road I would have to let go of my work as federal employee -- but the great salary and benefits kept me hooked.  I felt that everyday I worked, I was loosing energy.  I was getting pulled in an unwavering cesspool of repeating negative patterns.  No Reiki clearing or energy medicine techniques would help me.  And then, it happened.  I broke down.  Like the Phoenix at the end of its incarnation I went through the fire and became no more than scattered ashes.  During my last departmental meeting in March, I couldn't even order coffee without having the urge to cry and it took all my might to remain compassionate with that weakling I had become.  I had to take an extended leave, and that has been one of the greatest gift I have ever given myself.

For the first month of leave, in April, I slept almost 16 hours a day.  I could not do any chores around the house and had to keep activities to a minimum.  In this state of exhaustion, I could not read or write.  A 20-minute period taken to wash the dishes necessitated a 40-minute rest period.  How frustrating!  Yet on the same token, I knew that I needed this rest to rejuvenate and to truly embody all the wonderful mental, emotional and spiritual changes I (and my team of Guides!) had been working on for so long.  I took the exhaustion in stride and truly nurtured myself.  I had to learn to listen to the cues my body gave me - did I need a nap, time in the sun, a slow walk on the hiking trails or a luxurious bubble bath scented with essential oils?  Did I need to listen to music or meditate?  I took great care of me.

By May, I was feeling much better and my energy level was higher.  As I was finally ready to reenergize my routine, I received the mailout from the Association for Research and Enlightenment (A.R.E.) for the e-learning group titled "Energize the Healer Within" - I couldn't ask for a more synchronous offer ;)  I enjoyed the exercises and the wisdom shared.

Also in May, I had the strong feeling that I should stop by the pet store on my way back from my acupuncture treatment.  My family had been discussing the pros and cons of adopting a puppy for about 8 years, but without firm commitment.  When I saw her, I knew she was the one and the time for talking about having a dog was over.  This was it.  Maya came home with me and has added joy to my days ever since.  Puppies do have their own unique energy and "love medicine".  I am gaining lots of wisdom by taking care of her and watching her grow and develop.  I am learning about self-appreciation, joyful living and a deeper appreciation of others who are more group-minded.  I am also learning how cats and dogs can get along... literally and figuratively, since both my cats are still getting used to the new addition to the family.

And so in June, with a lighter heart feeling more centred and aligned with Spirit, my leave came to an end and I returned to work.  Within five minutes of day 1, I felt my Inner Child was having a wild tantrum.  I felt I was walking into the past, reliving something I thought had died but I was forced to keep doing against my belief that working there was not for my highest good.  Then and there, I had the firm knowledge that this is not how I want to co-create my life.  Then and there, I knew I had to quit.  It's like for the puppy - the time of talking and thinking about it is over; it's time to transcend into action.  The time is right to move on.

The transition has begun - I am working 3 days a week only until my last day which will be in September.  I am renting space twice monthly for my Reiki clinic, and am looking for a space to rent full-time.  I still feel the anxiety and the panic coming from my ego (what will I do without that paycheque??), yet I have learned to trust Universe and have faith.  After all, it is my Guides who are pushing and nudging me in this direction.  As I have learned to surrender to God's will for me, I have to have faith in the continued flow of prosperity.

Through these challenging months, I have been able to complete my Reiki Master's Degree - I graduated from the program yesterday.  It's like the past few months were the final testing and trial before I received my "pass" on this soul lesson.  It sure feels good now!  I find that looking at life's events with a higher perspective always helps me see them through, however difficult it is to live and fully feel the present moment while observing from higher ground.

And so, onward and forward I go.  The journey is far from over - but the rest stop is.

Maybe now I can get back on track and share tidbits on chakra work?  There are so many more projects in store for me...  One step at a time; who knows what I'll uncover?

Phoenix rising... about to take flight

As I contemplate this moment in time, I am like at a crossroads at a mountain pass. Looking back, I can see the valleys and the ridges; the swamps and the crystal clear brooks; the fields of flowers and the dark shadowy forests in which I have travelled. The journey has been arduous and I know, even as I contemplate and celebrate all that has been, that the journey is not complete. The journey ahead might be muddier; its gullies deeper; its mountains more difficult to climb... yet I smile. I know I am not alone walking on this path, taking this journey. Others have been here before clearing some of the path, as I will clear the path for those following me. I have limitless resources in the spiritual, emotional, mental and physical realms – except those limits I impose on myself. Going forward, I know I am more aware of my footings. I better understand the promptings of my guides. My light shines just a bit brighter than before. And I know that the next trials will involve my ability to keep my light shining from my inner centre of unconditional love, peace and harmony – whatever the journey brings my way.

And so I sit on a boulder at this crossroads on the mountain pass, and I contemplate how my life has changed since my first shaky steps on this path. I always knew I was guided to do something different. I allowed that strong spiritual urge in me to manifest itself... periodically, followed by periods of self-doubt and repressed self-expression to try and fit the norm. I feel now that I embody my thoughts and my feelings. The bridge between lower and higher selves has been built and is getting stronger every day. Now, I not only wish – I am. I not only think – I manifest. I not only hope – I have faith.

Allowing myself to truly become me and accepting and working with both the shadow and the light sides of me has been the greatest gift I have ever given myself. As I sit on this boulder, I give myself a hug. I embrace my Inner Child, who is teaching me how to co-create the life I want and still keep it fun. I embrace my serious self, the one who takes care of business and will always ensure that fun ideas and creations are manifested in the greatest way possible for the highest good of all. I embrace my spiritual self which in turn embraces the world as one and teaches me about the interrelationship of all. I am uplifted by the knowledge and deep feeling and understanding that we are all facets of the One, manifested in our own unique way.

As I sit here, I am still gathering up courage and strength to continue on my journey of authenticity, like the Monarch allowing its wings to fully unfurl and dry before its first flight. I take this time to truly tune in to my true north. Having transformed, I know I can not go back. I do not want to go back to my previous form.

As I look to the paths ahead, rising and falling through gentle mists, I wonder how I’ll keep up the faith and the courage to continue. Then I remember that truly being me is the best I can do for myself and others. I remember those around me who have been celebrating my uniqueness even before I acknowledged it. I remember the encouragements received so far – and they urge me to continue. I know that the feelings of isolation, rejection and fear of abandonment were illusions from a wounded ego. I’ve nursed that wound and calmed the ego. I might feel the scar every once in a while, but it will not be sufficient to stop me anymore.

I am me, and I celebrate the freedom of being me. Blessed be.