I had been expecting this surgery for a while now. Part of me was looking forward to the relief in physical and emotional pain; while an other part of me was dreading it. Now, it’s done. And I feel good.
This is the ongoing story of my Sacral Chakra.
In my childhood, I learned how difficult friendships can be. I learned that is was safer to keep my true thoughts and feelings to myself. I learned lots about rejection, ridicule, and shame. These stories continued in my teenage years, where my calm sense of confidence was really hiding a need to please, to be accepted, to be valued - but at the same time, I could never be just ME. I learned about anxiety and panic attacks. By the time I entered my twenties, resentment, victimization and anger had built to a boiling point. I gave up a lot of what made me truly happy, like dancing and travelling. I chose to be serious, get a boyfriend, have a real job, get married, get a house… My mind built a plan - and it did not matter with whom these things happened, as long as I could check these off the list of to-do’s and gain a certain feeling of accomplishment.
Then I learned that feelings of accomplishments can leave one feel very empty and depleted. When the mind’s plan does not take emotions into considerations — it’s a half-baked plan. I hated my relationship. I hated my job. I hated my body. I hated my family. I hated myself. Big - huge! - downward circle of negative emotions. And with the feelings of loneliness and abandonment I’ve had since childhood, I felt as if there was no one I could turn to. So these negative energies grew, simmered, festered.
When energies like that are not addressed in the spiritual, intellectual, then emotional aspects of the physical experience, they start manifesting as deep and chronic physical distress. My natural cycle went hay-wire and I no longer could depend on its regular rhythm. Fertility became an issue. In my early thirties, I received three surgeries to help relieve the pain of the diseased organs. But there was a lot of emotional gunk that also needed to be cleared. Thankfully, that’s when I started on my own spiritual path of healing and was able to uncover and release several patterns that had plagued me for several years.
Now in my forties, I feel stronger. And I feel my strength does not come from a place of confrontation, but from a place of inner peace. I can find harmony and joy in every day. I have forgiven many of my past traumas, and I’ve learned valuable life lessons. I’ve made some tough decisions like leaving a job where I felt like an emotional and mental zombie, with bursts of uncontrollable waterworks. Now, I choose to end the struggle. I choose to reclaim my power. I choose to be truthful to my best, most divine, self. I choose to walk in peace.
This surgery last week removed the interior lining of my womb. As I did energy work in preparation for this procedure, I imagined the removal of the layers of poor choices I’ve made through my life. I imagined layers of pain being burned away and purified. I saw myself rising stronger, healthier, and more vibrant than ever before. I let go of wounds and pain that were weighing me down in my journey. I also offered this procedure as some sort of “human sacrifice” whereby through me and the continued energy work I do, others can also clear old wounds, feel uplifted, and reconnect to what makes them feel happy and fully alive.
I also choose to become better at receiving. In preparation for my surgery and recovery process, I gratefully accepted good vibes, energy work, Reiki, and prayers from friends, family members, and my growing community of clients and students. I felt very well surrounded, energetically, as I underwent the procedure. I credit my speedy recovery to all the good vibes I received! Compared with the surgeries I received 10 years ago - there was no dizziness post-anaesthetics, no pain, no cramping, no emotional upheaval… only peace, vitality, and joy!
Energy work ROCKS! It makes my heart sing!
Looking ahead from here, which feels like yet an other turning point in the spiral of life, I know I still have some tough choices to make to feel even more aligned to my Truth and my Joy. And yet, I know I have the inner strength, the inner resources, AND the external support to move forward with even more grace, confidence and true lasting happiness.
I am wishing you all blissful health and harmony, on all levels of your being.