Baby Angel

There are moments in life that are unforgettable, and their memories reach deep into our emotional psyche to remind us of their joy - or their pain.  There are moments in life that, although now in our past resurface as if they have just happened.  There are moments in life that are just harder to heal than others.

Today, my heart is with that little promise of life that left my body on this day in 2002.  I am surprised by how much I am still grieving - I thought that part of me was healed...  And yet, tears are rolling down my cheeks as the vivid images and sensations are recalled.  I remember the joy of finding out that "it had finally worked" after over a year of "trying".  I remember how I felt the energy of life leave my body in a warm whoosh from my womb through my crown a few weeks' in.  I remember the anguish of the myriad ultrasounds to confirm the inevitable.  I remember the Valentine's Day bouquet of flowers to "a new Mom"... the same day I received the call from the doctor to schedule the D&C.  I remember the D&C and the convalescence.  I remember the support and prayers.  Every moment is frozen in time and resurfaces periodically.  Every emotion from anger, guilt, shame, grief... and the strange calm after the storm... are crystallized in my being.  Even dreams and spiritual insights I received during that time remain vivid to this day.

Baby was called "Peanut" and didn't live more than 4 weeks.  Although its life force left at 4 weeks, the body stayed anchored in me for an other 4 weeks until the D&C.  The heart never started to beat and the gonads had not formed so there's no way to know if Peanut was a girl or a boy.  To the medical community, Peanut was called a "product of conception".  How cold!  The love of my womb, a product?!?   After the D&C, Peanut was cremated with all the other "products of conception" and the common ashes spread over a special rose garden in the Beechwood Cemetery.

I am still judged for feeling so much about an embryo that is not even considered a baby.  How do I have the right to grieve when so-and-so had a still birth a few days before due date?  Now, that's worth grieving.  And how about this other person who had a miscarriage while travelling abroad?  Now that was traumatic.  And how about this other woman who bled so much she had to have a hysterectomy and loose her ability to have any other child?  That's epic.  And how about people who are experiencing war, famine, oppression?  My story, for many, is unworthy of grief.  My story is unworthy of being talked about.  It's like I have no right to miss or even celebrate that life who shared my body for the span of a few weeks...

But whether others give me the right or not (and I'm not looking for external validation), that small life is forever imprinted in my heart.  Although my son was conceived a few months later, and he's my pride and joy, there is always a place in my heart for the one who whispered to me a few months before him.  I will always Love that little Baby Angel.

I have learned a lot from my experience:  I learned to surrender to pain and move through the phases of grieving; I learned that life throws you curve-balls and one can't always be "in charge" or "in control" of life's events; I learned that childhood plans don't always come to fruition.  I also learned to mistrust my body and to question the values and beliefs I had learned as a child and young woman.

I learned to cherish the miracle of life, in all its forms and manifestations.

Over the years, I learned how mental anguish and emotional trauma can change the human body.  I learned how my stress levels at the time could have had an impact on my general health.  I understand how my stifled creativity as I entered a "real job in government" could have blocked my Sacral Chakra.  I understand how being harassed over several years can leave one's energy system in shambles.  I understand the importance of maintaining a healthy protection shield - not closed off and not too open.  I know how a lifetime of being told what to feel and what not to feel, how to react and how not to react can leave the Sacral Chakra in limbo.  I know that these blocks can be felt by energy workers.  I have experienced how forgiveness and self-love can bring peace and healing to body-mind-spirit.  Today, I can provide insightful coaching and spiritual advice to women who come to see me to help with their fertility or with their grief.  Many valuable life lessons and spiritual insights have come from this experience, and for these I am grateful.

But on this day, I shed a tear for my little Peanut.  I love you sweetie pie.

Meditation for World Peace

Can you take 15 minutes to weave your thread of Love and Light in a world-wide web of Peace?

Share below the colour of the thread you are bringing to our Web!  Namaste!

Oracle Reading for March 2014

I tried something a little different for this month's Oracle Reading - a video!  I trust it will bring you guidance as elements of our energy landscape are explored.  Let me know what you think!

Are you a Lightworker-Animal-Speaker?

This story was shared by Humanity's Team.

The Elephants Knew

Some will say there is no God, try and tell that to the elephants.....

THE ELEPHANTS' JOURNEY TO PAY RESPECT,
BUT HOW DID THEY KNOW?

Lawrence Anthony, a legend in South Africa and author of 3 books including the bestseller, The Elephant Whisperer, bravely rescued wildlife and rehabilitated elephants all over the globe from human atrocities, including the courageousrescue of Baghdad Zoo animals during US invasion in 2003.

On March 7, 2012 Lawrence Anthony died. He is remembered and missed by his wife, 2 sons, 2 grandsons, and numerous elephants. Two days after his passing, the wild elephants showed up at his home led by two large matriarchs. Separate wild herds arrived in droves to say goodbye to their beloved 'man-friend'. A total of 31 elephants had patiently walked over 12 milesto get to his South African House.

Witnessing this spectacle, humans were obviously in awe not only because of the supreme intelligence and precise timing that these elephants sensed about Lawrence's passing, but also because of the profound memory and emotion the beloved animals evoked in such an organized way: Walking slowly, for days, making their way in a solemn one-by-one queue from their habitat to his house. Lawrence 's wife, Francoise, was especially touched, knowing that the elephants had not been to his house prior to that day for well over 3 years! But yet they knew where they were going. The elephants obviously wanted to pay their deep respects, honoring their friend who'd saved their lives - so much respect that they stayed for 2 days 2 nights without eating anything. Then one morning, they left, making their long journey back home.

SOMETHING IN THE UNIVERSE IS GREATER
AND DEEPER THAN HUMAN INTELLIGENCE.

What a brilliant example of sharing the Love and teaching oneness! Animal Speakers understand that we are one in Universe's great web, and they honour the animals and their ecosystems. Their work helps others reconnect to their sense of awe and reach out to something that is bigger than the self. Are you an animal speaker?

For Lightworkers working with Joy Guide energy

This is for you, Lightworker-Joy-Guide!

On her Facebook page, my teacher Sonia Choquette wrote:

Today you can be a joy guide. Give someone an unexpected compliment. Offer someone the gift of patience. Surprise someone with the gift of forgiveness by not taking offense. Delight someone with the gift of a real hug, and not a burp or a pat on the back. Have fun. It feels great to be a joy guide.

And a few moments later, someone shared this image from Action For Happiness - if you are working with Joy Guide energy, you might want to join this group!

Have fun today, Joy Guide!  It's in you to shine Joy over the world, knowing that it is beautifully contagious!  The world needs you!

Spiritual Guidance for February 2014

What a wonderful time to be alive!

If you are feeling the winter blah’s or if your focus is “what’s wrong with this world!”… Spirit is gently reminding this month to change your vibration to a higher frequency! Yes there are events and people in this world that make us question Love and Wisdom. As Lightworkers, it is our duty to rise above feelings of anger, abandonment, loneliness, bitterness and the whole bagful of heavy, sticky, icky and dark feelings. As we do so, we can become agents of change for this world, anchoring more Love and Light within us, around us and through us.

As the Gratitude card suggests, open your heart and your arms wide, and count your blessings! For every thought of “what’s wrong with this world” or “what’s wrong with me”, state two things that are beautiful and bountiful in this world and with you.  If someone annoys you, find at least one reason why you are grateful for this person to be in your life - what are you learning from this relationship?  Allow a feeling of gratitude to wash through you. Remember, Lightworker, that gratitude is the fuel for a happy life. Remember also that Universe, Spirit, God is grateful for YOU. There is no one else out there with your unique combination of talents, energy and dreams. You are here for a reason, for a divine purpose and Spirit is grateful for your willingness to open your heart and arms to its loving embrace. Spirit needs all Lightworkers in this time of transition and transformation and is grateful for your role in raising consciousness and awareness to Love and Oneness.

To help us grow in gratitude and joy, we are reminded to reconnect to our sense of wonder and awe. We are asked to view the world as a magical place where good prevails. This sense of enchantment is the spirit of our inner child. Bring forth your inner child as he/she holds to key to your heart, opening it to receive Love and preparing the way for the miracle you’ve been waiting for. Trust that you are divinely guided and cared for and freely share your joy, for when you are joyful, you inspire everyone who sees you. When you are joyful and trusting the Divine, your Light shines brightly and helps guide others to their own Light.

The spirit helper this month is Balance, reminding us to balance our time between work, play, spirituality, exercise and relationships. Being joyful, grateful and connected to our inner child doesn’t mean that we must relinquish our hold on reality! There are still dishes to be done, laundry to be washed, memos to write, and the list goes on! Rather, we must carve time in our schedule for joy, wonderment and authentic connection with one another. We can use mundane chores like doing the dishes, holding our cup of coffee, paying the bills and the daily commute to focus energy on Love, goodness and gratitude. Doing so will help ease the overwhelm and sense of disempowerment brought on by a schedule filled with earthly demands. Ask for help from your spirit helpers to creatively balance your schedule: you will feel your own spirit lift with joy and renewed energy.

Spiritual Assignments This Month

• Practice the affirmation, “It’s a glorious time to be alive, and I am so grateful!” 
• Keep a gratitude journal, and each day enter 3-5 things for which you are grateful 
• Choose at least one activity per week that’s just for fun. Pick up your paintbrushes, run in the park, read an illustrated book, wear your apron like a cape to cook breakfast, try a new way to wear your makeup… these activities will help you reconnect with your inner child and your sense of wonder. 
• Ask for help in balancing your schedule. Look for resources that can help keep you organized. Schedule appointments with yourself. Lock the bathroom door for some “me-time” without pets or children. 

Shine on, Lightworker! Thank you for sharing your Light!

Share your experience and observations below to energize and inspire others. Blessed be!

Oracle decks used for this reading: Denise Linn "Soul Coaching" and Doreen Virtue "Healing With The Angels"

My very first interview!

What a weekend!  For the past weeks, I have been busy moving into my new healing space and getting ready for yesterday's Grand Opening.  Even with the snow storm, it was a success and such a pleasant, joyful day!  And today, I found out that an article based on my very first interview with a local paper has been published online.  It is absolutely WONDERFUL when dreams become reality!

And now, I have to focus on my next big task... the live Q&A call this Wednesday about being a Lightworker and explaining a few Lightworker names!

Photo by Adam Brazeau, Cornwall Seaway News